First Sight of Bryce
I am aghast, thrown to my knees, dizzy with wonder, without comprehension, without words. I have stepped off of earth and into heaven, into God’s home, into a sanctuary for my soul.
I have lived on this earth 32 years and not known. I have lived 32 years and have not felt my heart soar and rest on the arches of this land, the Dr Seuss spires, the living soil. The bespeckled rocks and shimmering sand as far as I can see is surely where God lives. It is surely a sanctuary.
Who knew in the planning of this trip. Who knew as I mapped our way to our distant family’s arms, plotting out National Parks and National Monuments to visit in route. Who knew the splendor that awaited us as we snaked our way south. But here I want to stay. Here I want to stay wrapped in God’s bosom, here where doubt and disappointment once lived now is filled with hope and love, here where I am sure, for the first time, that God lives.
For years to come I will revisit this land, annual pilgrimages, to walk the trail for days in prayer and contemplation. I will walk, divining ways to carry on at home, to provide a meaningful life, to be a mother, a wife, a nurse, a good person. I will devise a way to continue at home with empty buckets, with feet shod in cement, with the pretense of a happy family carried bravely on my shoulders. I will strive on and always fall short.
But here, here in this place, my buckets overflow, I am renewed, I am new. I am new and ready to face the Herculean challenge awaiting me at home.